Make Feeling Good Your Job
You are not your thoughts. You are the one who chooses which ones stay.
🎧 Prefer to listen instead? Here’s this week’s letter in audio form. Keep scrolling if you’d rather read. (Just a note — recorded from my phone, so thank you for being patient with any small sound quirks.)
Hi friend ✨
I have a bit of an assignment for you (I know — it’s summer, who wants homework…). Nevertheless, I invite you to make it your job to feel good.
It’s so easy to identify with the belief that we are not responsible for our own internal state. That our emotions are purely shaped by circumstance, by other people, by whatever the day throws at us. But the truth is: your emotions don’t just happen to you. They are born from your thoughts.
This is a classic CBT principle: your thoughts shape your emotions, and your emotions shape the actions you take in the world.
This process can be conscious or unconscious. When we’re identified with the constant string of thoughts — the inner monologue, the voice in the head — it becomes harder to detach from what’s arising. But in reality, you are not your thoughts. You are the one who chooses which ones stay.
Yes — in fact, the awareness behind your thoughts is who you truly are. This disidentification from thought makes it easier — at least for me — to usher in a bit more agency. I can then more easily reach for thoughts that lead to me feeling good.
“Most people are still completely identified with the incessant stream of the mind, of compulsive thinking, most of it repetitive and pointless. There is no ‘I’ apart from their thought processes and the emotions that go with them.”
— Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
This idea — that the ‘I’ is not our thought processes — is something I deeply resonate with. That separation is a crucial step in the assignment I’m offering to you this week: to make it your job to feel good. Can you lean into this knowing?
Now, despite having this inner understanding, this past week I noticed myself weaving in and out of emotional states — sometimes choosing thoughts that supported a more grounded, peaceful internal state… and sometimes falling into old patterns. I caught myself in moments where I almost wanted to stay in a negative storyline. There was a subtle pull to just sit in the heaviness.
I found myself saying, “If I want to be upset, then I’ll be upset. It’s my choice.” This all played out over a matter of seconds. Until the words “It’s my choice” flashed across my mind in bold letters.
And if it is my choice (which it very much, in fact, is), why on earth would I choose to stay in a state that feels bad? Why would I choose anything other than a thought that lifts me?
Now, I’m not saying to bypass your feelings. Emotions deserve to be felt, moved through, and acknowledged. But what I’m noticing is that we get stuck when we unconsciously cling to thoughts that perpetuate our pain.
We rehearse them.
We revisit them.
We identify with them.
And over time, we create a loop that feeds itself.
I’ve been reflecting on this idea more deeply lately — especially the way our minds can quietly resist feeling good. Even when peace is available, we might not choose it. The brain prefers the familiar — even if that familiar pattern is stress or worry. It feels safe because we know it. Predictability, even in pain, can feel like comfort.
So what do you do when you’re having a hard time choosing thoughts that help you feel better? You practice. This doesn’t mean we suppress or deny. It just means we become aware. We notice the thought. We choose again.
And again. And again. And again.
And like any muscle, it gets stronger the more we use it.
This is why I’m emphasizing make it your job to feel good — not because it’s easy, it’s work. But the end result? You get to feel good. And in my eyes, that’s worth it.
My favourite author, Wayne Dyer, describes our thoughts as a constant stream:
“Whenever you’re experiencing discomfort or sadness, rather than trying to change the thought behind your emotional state, instead just put it back on the never ending conveyor belt of thoughts, and then select a different thought. Keep doing this until you’ve selected a thought that allows you to feel good.”
— Wayne Dyer, Wishes Fulfilled
If a thought comes along that doesn’t feel good, you don’t have to fix it or fight it. Even if the thought is “right” or “true” — if it doesn’t serve your peace, let it go. Just place it back on the conveyor belt. Let it pass. Choose a different one.
Worry is one example of a thought pattern that keeps us in disharmony.
As Eckhart reminds us: “Worry pretends to be useful. But it’s not.”
It convinces us that it’s a form of action — like thinking about something over and over will somehow solve it — but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. It’s simply a string of thoughts that do not serve a feel-good emotional state.
So if you notice yourself caught in that spiral — whether it’s worry or any thought that doesn’t support you — I invite you to gently let it pass. Place it back on the conveyor belt. And choose again. It’s a practice. And over time, it becomes a habit of self-compassion.
So this week, just try it on: Make feeling good your job. And see where it takes you.
I’ll close with a quote that stirs good emotions inside of me — maybe it will for you too:
“Nothing is true but the great and the good and the beautiful, only these will we add unto ourselves.”
— Wayne Dyer, Wishes Fulfilled
💌 If this resonated consider forwarding this email to a friend.
💫 I’d also love to hear if this landed for you — feel free to reply or leave a comment on Substack.
Thank you for being here.
With gratitude,
Nicole 🌿